i remember when i used to be on this all the time and do so much more than just reblog. i would actually express my thoughts and deepest notions of my soul but life has a way of taking those little moments away. but for some reason i just had an itch of nostalgia and my ability to write is quickly coming back.
my soul feels constantly unquenched. i really wish i knew why at different periods of my life it has felt like i had everything but at the end of the day it really felt like i had nothing? why did God make me like this? why is it that since i was a child i always felt like a fish out of water fighting for air? i have never been like anyone else around me. not my family, friends, classmates, anyone. the things that people try to teach me and make me believe have always just stood at the surface but have never truly sinked in. why? why can i not be like everyone else? why can i just not accept the way of the world and the “just because” answers? i have always looked at life differently. i have always been the “but why” child and as i have gotten older i dont ask the “but why” questions out loud anymore but they eat at me inside consciously and subconsciously.
i am one of the those people that questions my purpose in life and where im supposed to be and where im headed. that is such a bad thing because it does not allow you to enjoy the present. i really dont want to be like this. if i could chose to be as careless as the rest of most people i really would. if i could go with the flow. i really would, because its so much easier. i wish that every time i got in my element i could just relax and have fun but no i start thinking and thinking and go off deep within myself and start wondering what would have been of my life of some things would have happened different.
i am a flower child because i love the world. i love the people. i wish we could all just get along. being a hipster isnt about hugging trees and singing kumbaya. its about just living peacefully without greed, strife, war, hunger, anger, destruction, selfishness, cruelty. but instead loving one another, being there for one another, loving our planet, loving our animals, living off of the earth instead of killing it. Instead of pouring ice cold buckets of clean water over our heads sending some over to our friends in other countries that need it more than just a mere symbol or support. and then the evil question slips in why is all this evil happening? and all these doubts of religion slip in and then it all goes down hill from there. because my upbringing has told me all these things but the world i’m living in tells me otherwise because it is so ugly and beautiful at the same time. why? why all powerful?
my heart and soul is just so sensitive to this world and as i get older its getting worse. i am becoming a ball of a mess. half the time i dont know if im coming or if im going. i wish i could just be at peace and my soul can stop shaking and my heart can be still. i wanna feel peace.
this post was all over everywhere and nobody will probably understand but whatever.